i'm sorry, but i don't speak chinese

Dog

   “What kind of Chinese person are you?” my friend’s mom used to ask when I told her that I couldn’t speak Chinese. Chinese parents tend to make their American-born Chinese children learn the language because of it’s considered an invaluable asset in the world. Both of my parents immersed us in an English-speaking and assimilated household. I’ve been accustomed to basic phrases like “Dinner’s ready” and “Thank you” since my mother speaks to us in fluent Chinese, followed by an English translation. However, as a child, my parents wanted to ensure that I retained my ties to my Chinese heritage and sent me to Chinese school for an abrupt amount of time where I learnt the basics of reading and speaking. My dad explains to his friend, “He doesn’t speak or understand it at all, it’s like his French, it’s out of use… He doesn’t use it in his everyday language anymore.” I’ve forgotten most of it and my friends and relatives know I don’t speak a single syllable of Chinese.
Recently, I’ve been more aware of my linguistic disability. A first grade student asked me, “Do you speak Chinese? No? Good! Then we can say whatever we want!” I felt amused and annoyed at the same time when I heard this. It struck me when I was at the service desk in the Apple Store (now that I’m in the publishing industry I no longer have this problem). It’s a meeting place for the old generation of Macheads in a relaxed environment with comfortable décor and a loft-like feel. Antique radios line the brick exposed walls and oversized scales line my service desk. A customer would approach me after glancing briefly at my Asiatic features and then begin chattering with me in fluent conversational Mandarin. I answer in English with a smirk and the old and tired expression, “I’m sorry, but I don’t speak Chinese.” Perhaps I should get this tattooed on my forehead!
    Chinese is the world’s most spoken language with two primary spoken dialects used in Mainland China: Mandarin and Cantonese. Its written language is composed of traditional and simplified characters. The most disconcerting and humbling experience is to see an American speak Mandarin perfectly. Even Americans have taken the time to study this difficult language. Majoring in Chinese can open job opportunities in translation, education, and business.
    My biggest obstacle in learning Chinese is that I’m too lazy to absorb the words of the language and I tune out the incomprehensible dialogue. When I was younger, my parents would set high standards and expectations for me. Now, I’m an independent adult and I make my own decisions. But I owe it myself to learn, read and speak the language fluently because of my roots and heritage. I want to speak in Chinese comfortably with family, friends, and even strangers. I want to understand what others are saying instead of being kept out of the loop. I don’t want to miss ideas and information in informal conversations so that my professional and personal success won’t be limited when compared to other Chinese Americans. Maybe the words will come flowing back to me and it’ll be like riding on a bicycle. Right now, the notion of re-learning Chinese is still sitting idly on my goal list, perhaps as a sentimental item until I truly appreciate and embrace my heritage. When I’m ready, I can take lessons, buy audiobooks, or ask my friends and relatives for help. It’s going to take a lot of work, but it’ll be worth it in the end.